The strangest thing is that this is the first post of this year and likewise, I have found myself in a strange familiar spot, once again. That of writing this post with no idea as to what brought me here except to express an inexpressible strain of thought that encumbers my being. Its not that I consider myself as a philosopher, but find myself woven into a myriad of thoughts that come from the same source. The knowing that these differences come from a symbolic similarity, continues to drive my inquiry. I seek an understanding that can encapsulate the moment that will clench stronger tangible means. I simply know this is way bigger than me and that at one point it could just unravel and come into a manifold simplicity. An unfolding “A-ha” or an imbroglio of jenga’ed towers . I simply want to laugh, for the demand of it, seeks discipline, understanding, compassion, mindfulness, and a great deal of patience. It swallows up my being, sometimes in a spontaneity that is no other than my own but can be none other but my desiring to become. And it does become, and for that brief moment I can sense this otherness, that is quite mine, one that I can come back to whenever I feel like, but only after the aforementioned discipline and training guides a strong foot hold. Sometimes there are marathons in life. You can train four months for it, you can get that runner’s high for moments during the ardor of your sprints with stretches of pain, yet that marathon only lasts three hours and half, and when you are done, it is done, you are done. After two weeks of recuperation, you can only think to yourself, do I want to do this again? Do I want to go all out? The small little voice in your head says yes and you pick up your things slowly know that your legs and back are jacked, but your pride is completely intact, and no amount of shame can take that moment away from your memory.
SO again this is another year since last writing here, and I am struggling with a Chinese naturalist philosophical view of wellness and that of a Tibetan regimen of the mind/body dichotomy with a western materialist comprehension. I see shamanic world roots that are thematic throughout and grasp at the straws to throw and build an over-arching commentary that can better not just help my life but help this American capitalist consciousness that continually reconstitutes its very being and needs.